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In Between

by Anquitaz

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1.
Intro 01:20
Time'll trickle by until I'm there with you It'll trickle by, until I'm there In the thick of time I'll say I know, I know, I know, I know That all that matters is you care Time'll trickle by until I'm there with you It's that fickle time I always dread In the thick of time that's going on and on until I lose The control of thoughts inside my head
2.
I Don't Know 02:09
Do you remember the days When you could go through a day And never feel afraid You could've done more Do you remember the days When you could go through a day And you could honestly say You feel hopeful Do you remember the days When you could go through a day And never feel afraid You should've done more Do you remember the days When you could honestly say That your life is everything you hoped for now The thoughts are running riot; they're taking the asylum tonight And I'm so scared that they don't care if they take me alive I thought they'd found a reason to stop when the seasons changed Now I found out they won't ever be tamed Do you remember the days When you could go through a day And never feel afraid You could've done more Do you remember the days When you could go through a day And you could honestly say You feel hopeful Do you remember the days When you could go through a day And never feel afraid You should've done more Do you remember the days When you could honestly say That your life is everything you hoped for now Now all the different faces and all the different places you've seen They come back up to remind you of how life could've been Don't matter if it's better or if there's darker weather ahead It's swirling like a cyclone inside of your head
3.
Looks like we're at it again I wanna let go You think it's over, but it keeps on coming Can't push it out of my brain I wanna let go But I end up in a free fall, free fall And I know, I know, I know I can't appreciate the words I'm caged, I'm suffocating I know, I know, I know You don't appreciate the words I know, I know We're at war with ourselves with no submission Fought one on one A test of thicker skin A war with my cognition that neither of us can win We're at war with ourselves with no submission Fought one on one A test of thicker skin At war with my cognition and neither of us give in Looks like I'm right where I've been I wanna let go It's never over, I just keep above it It's not an ordinary scene I wanna let go Now I'm welcoming the free fall, free fall And I know, I know, I know It's never better, only worse The way I'm always thinking I know, I know, I know that there's always something wrong It's wrong, it's wrong We're at war with ourselves with no submission Fought one on one A test of thicker skin A war with my cognition that neither of us can win We're at war with ourselves with no submission Fought one on one A test of thicker skin At war with my cognition and neither of us give in
4.
I don't know what I wanted But I listened, it was calling for me, me, me The next thing I was falling Over questions, where I thought I should be, be Won't stop chasing home, because I want it But I just keep spinning round There's nowhere to go Won't stop chasing home, and I keep running But I just keep slowing down And I don't belong here now Not to show you all up I don't belong here I don't belong here But I don't wanna see you go I'm not sure how it started What I'm looking for is taking so long, long, long Just 'cause the clouds are parting Doesn't always mean that you'll see the sun, sun But it's safe to say I'm back where I've been before The difference today is I know I need you more, more, more Won't stop chasing home, because I want it But I just keep spinning round There's nowhere to go Won't stop chasing home, and I keep running But I just keep slowing down And I don't belong here now Not to show you all up I don't belong here I don't belong here But I don't wanna see you go Were you there? Did you even care? Beyond Repair Vacate me Vacate me I was there Way before you cared There's nothing here Replace me Replace me Won't stop chasing home, because I want it But I just keep spinning round There's nowhere to go Won't stop chasing home, and I keep running But I just keep slowing down And I don't belong here now Not to show you all up I don't belong here I don't belong here But I don't wanna see you go
5.
The sourest grapes can make the worst wine Can tip the scales on an alleged crime Summoned for trial, held inside my brain And I can never make the case I'm sane Did I make a wrong move Or was it you Or is it in the back of my head In the back of my head That I won't wander blindly down a path that I'm led It's in the back of my head In the back of my head That someone round this table ain't the person they said It's in the back of my head Let's raise a glass for the next toast There's an old phrase 'bout who you keep close I said it once, and then denied three times I'm at my worst just when I think I'm fine I'm pressing self destruct This mind is fucked There's something in the back of my head In the back of my head That I won't wander blindly down a path that I'm led It's in the back of my head In the back of my head That someone round this table ain't the person they said It's in the back of my head It's in the back of my head
6.
Loose pairs of eyes on a lonely threat Inspired demise on a movie set Rewriting my sins For the actors, anyone I've ever met All waiting for another scene to start Broken possessions or a broken heart Holding on to things Hoping to tell the real and dreams apart But that's not the way the story goes And it's different every time I fall Even further down the rabbit hole Perfect lies from the dying light (Until distraction brings me home) Replay a minute, hour, or a day Take myself half a fucking world away Falling through my sins For one where I can have the words to say Speculate on everything I've ever known Shaking things that fixed themselves a life ago Holding all I see In the same playbook that I can't let go But that's not the way the story goes And it's different every time I fall Even further down the rabbit hole Perfect lies from the dying light (Until distraction brings me home)
7.
When the answer to the question's that I never wanna leave When the mind says die, but the heart says sleep Takes a second to acquaint yourself with something very real A reminder never needed; you don't get a second turn When the mind says cry but the heart says learn To appreciate the time while you've still got some left to burn (Oh, oh oh, oh oh) Not a movie, not a curtain call, not a fade to black (Oh, oh oh, oh oh) We'll all have a final second, then we're never coming back (Oh, oh oh, oh oh) In the moment, do you know that it's all coming to an end (Oh, oh oh, oh oh) And I wonder how it feels to know you'll never feel again It's a side effect of living that you're always gonna die And the more you grow, the more you ask why You said and did the things the way you did, and never reconciled So re-run the blurry shots from photographic memories Ones that turned out good, some that look more bleak Fold the corner of the picture that's the last you wanna see (Oh, oh oh, oh oh) Not a movie, not a curtain call, not a fade to black (Oh, oh oh, oh oh) We'll all have a final second, then we're never coming back (Oh, oh oh, oh oh) In the moment, do you know that it's all coming to an end (Oh, oh oh, oh oh) And I wonder how it feels to know you'll never feel again
8.
Waiting 03:31
Never wanted me Never thought to say it Miss a chance to be anything again Never wanted me Never thought to say it way back then Every second feels over-complicated I play a part that feels strange to me again All I seem to do is over-complicate it Woah And I know that I don't want to go But I know that I can't take much more (I've always been waiting) And I know that I don't want to go (I've always been waiting) I don't want to go Second chance to be more than just frustrated Never wanna be so stuck in one place Second chance to be more than what they say If it's not too late It only takes a beat to become what you've hated If you let your heart pick up that pace All I need to do is realise I hate this Woah And I know that I don't want to go But I know that I can't take much more (I've always been waiting) And I know that I don't want to go (I've always been waiting) I don't want to go I've always been watching and waiting for a sign in the night I've always been watching and waiting for the sun to rise And I know that I don't want to go But I know that I can't take much more (I've always been waiting) And I know that I don't want to go (I've always been waiting) I don't want to go
9.
I'm writing another "hit" Sure, I care what they think of it I'm breaking down but it's good, 'cause the kids, yeah they love all this shit Will anyone ever see? Empty woods, the proverbial tree Don't hear a sound, so I guess it's good I made this for me I'm not the one on all the screens I'm not the one who haunts your dreams I'm not the one they wanna be I fade in, fade out I'm inconsequential When nobody's interest piques Is it time to admit defeat No, wait, I've decided I've got some motivation this week For a second, I think I'm a star That's not the four letter word you are But yeah, bask in your moment, it's seems to be all that you've done so far I'm not the one on all the screens I'm not the one who haunts your dreams I'm not the one they wanna be I fade in, fade out I'm inconsequential
10.
Someone Else 02:54
Shaking off all the thoughts when I feel the creeps From the panic after panics, it's a daily routine Drown it out, keep the doubts Walking down the street is enough to feel drained Watch the clock, to the dot, if it's real or not Here's the crashing, start the lashing out at everything Or withdraw, close the door, hide away from it all It's enough to feel pain Sometimes it feels like I'm not inside my brain (Like someone else can pull my strings) Set me up, pull me round, put me under the ground (I can't escape) Sometimes it feels like I'm not inside my brain (Like someone else can pull my strings) Set me up, pull me round, put me under the ground (Stuck in this state) Counting back the attacks, trying hard to keep track When I leave me, barely breathing, and I feel like I've snapped Shaking head, spinning legs, every part of this has stopped feeling strange Laugh it off, in the crowd Don't bring anyone down Let the water keep on flowing until I start to drown Staying tough, scrapping rough, just to keep your head up It's enough to feel scared Sometimes it feels like I'm not inside my brain (Like someone else can pull my strings) Set me up, pull me round, put me under the ground (I can't escape) Sometimes it feels like I'm not inside my brain (Like someone else can pull my strings) Set me up, pull me round, put me under the ground (Stuck in this state) Woooooah Sometimes it feels like I'm not inside my brain (Like someone else can pull my strings) Set me up, pull me round, put me under the ground (I can't escape) Sometimes it feels like I'm not inside my brain (Like someone else can pull my strings) Set me up, pull me round, put me under the ground (Stuck in this state)
11.
Haunting 04:49
Let me in, oh let me in We'll follow all the footsteps, down the roads I keep walking I let you in, don't shut me out I'm staring through the windows of the place I keep my doubts Cut me open, take the memories Always roaming on a weekend for how I got this way Cut me open, take the memories I'm ready to be saved I'm ready to be sane Let me in, oh let me in Why is time a worthy reason to give up on good faith Let me in, I'll block it out Does a kid know it's not their fault, do they know they'll live with doubt I crumbled into snowfall, I fell into the rain I questioned if I was so sure I'd hear your voice again And when the moment comes and you know the answer's no The cold before don't feel so real; you've never felt this low Cut me open, take the memories Always roaming on a weekend for how I got this way Cut me open, take the memories I'm ready to be saved I'm ready to be sane This book started, like the last one With a character in crisis, a role I was born to play I use my lines as a catharsis This story is the answer to how I got this way How did we end up like this? Find the memories, cut me open Always roaming on a weekend for how I got this way Find the memories, cut me open I'm ready to be saved I'm ready to feel safe And I still miss you in November The bonfire's not the same The fireworks cry your name I use my lines as a catharsis This story is the answer to how I got this way
12.
The Fall 03:38
Take a step back You look like you're out on your feet Sleep walking through a dream, you fall You fall again Take a rain check The cloud that refuses to break Stays further from the stars, you fall You fall again Oh, these moments in time You fall for moments in time You grow, but won't move on yet You know you'll never forget Never forget Pick the haystack As long as you're willing to take To search forever more, you fall You fall again With your last breath You tell me there's nothing to say That's why you never talked, you fall You fall again Oh, these moments in time You fall for moments in time You grow, but won't move on yet You know you'll never forget Never forget
13.
In Between 03:52
That's how this story goes And how it ends Or how it pauses 'til it starts over again Count ones and twos For better days Before you had all the dark ones on replay You wish that everything was like the start Something inside of you says wishing's not enough Now how you live's not what you did before You're just a victim now of all that's in between That's all you'll ever be That's how it feels Like you're living in your worst dreams all made real Then something brings you back You're back to life Until the next time you feel something ain't right You wish that everything was like the start Something inside of you says wishing's not enough Now how you live's not what you did before You're just a victim now of all that's in between You wish that everything was like the start Something inside of you says wishing's not enough Now how you live's not what you did before You're just a victim now of all that's in between So a voice that comes from nowhere says I don't know anything And when the war kicks off within myself, alarm bells start to ring I've got the messianic complex, and it leaves me on my own A clean well lighted place inside my head, feels like my only home I start to wish that I was someone else, and anywhere but here But I feel so inconsequential, and I'm paralyzed by fear I'm always waiting, but I'm haunted by the past that I've been through Feels like I don't know how to fix myself, and neither do you View from the platform isn't so bad, until you start the fall And then the countdown's starting up again, 'til you re-live it all You wish that everything was like the start Something inside of you says wishing's not enough Now how you live's not what you did before You're just a victim now of all that's in between ('Til you relieve it all) You wish that everything was like the start Something inside of you says wishing's not enough Now how you live's not what you did before You're just a victim now of all that's in between ('Til you relieve it all)

about

This record is our most personal to date. It's an exploration in the daily battle with mental health, from beginning to end, and everything in between.

credits

released July 14, 2023

Phil Graham: Guitar, Bass
Leo Taylor: Vocals, Drums

Written by Anquitaz

Produced by Phil Graham & Leo Taylor
Mixed & Mastered by Leo Taylor

Art by Anquitaz

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Anquitaz UK

Formed on a sunny morning, after a heavy night, via many misconceptions.

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